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(Waiting in line at Pin Number, Internet University's premiere student shopping facility, good friends Facebook and Twitter discuss the former's peaked interest in attending an art Forum being held on campus next week. The store is alive with a healthy buzzing of student chatter, and only the distant whispers of chaos indicate another political debate has erupted on the grounds. Again.)

Twitter: "I am telling you your layout is fine as is"

Facebook: "Are you kidding?  We're talking Forum types here Tweet! High class, none of this mindless bickering and inane chatter we put up with. It's not like they let just anyone join these things."

Twitter: "I am sure you've been through enough layouts already. I am doubting anyone will care at this Forum place. I still cant believe you're giving"

(Twitter freezes. Facebook nonchalantly pushes him slightly forward in line, to the bewilderment of students behind him. One of them timidly asks if Twitter has crashed, to which Facebook merely smiles and shakes his head.)

Twitter: "up the Browsers for this thing. The Browsers!......I am assuming I did it again didn't I?"

Facebook: (laughing) "Pace yourself, dude. Leave the long comments for the big boys"

Twitter: "At Facebook, shut it"

(The students in front of the pair finish their purchase and move on, freeing up the search bar. Facebook shuffles forward, finding himself face to face with a well cut individual in a sharp, white suit. His clean shaven face is broken only by a wide, welcoming smile and his brilliantly fluffed hair speaks wonders of his professional nature.)

"Ah, Mr. Facebook and…Mr. Twitter, am I correct?"

Facebook: "Right on the money, Mr. Amazon. As always."

Amazon: "It is excellent to see both of you again. How's that new script working for you Mr. Facebook? It was Calibri, as I recall. A fine product if I do say so myself"

Facebook: "It's excellent. Can't say the test I used it on ended up the same. How Google manages to make Elementary Result Filtering so difficult I'll never know"

Amazon: (Chuckling warmly)"My dear friend Professor Google. Quite a History that one. Bought nearly four megabytes of red font last semester. But I'm loading away from myself. What can I get you today?"

Facebook: "I need a layout. A nice one."

Amazon: "Oh? I do believe you purchased one of those not too long ago. Was the coding faulty?"

Facebook: "No, no, it was great. I'm just planning on going to this Forum thing and-"

(Amazon's chipper grin widens.)

Amazon: "Say no more, my boy. What's her name?"

(Facebook laughs nervously, shifting his feet. Twitter rolls his eyes.)

Facebook: "How'd you know?"

Amazon: "Son, you don't stay in business as long as I have without pickin' up a thing or too. Your Wish List's a bloody open kindle. Now let's find you that layout."

(Amazon turns his perfectly molded head, his welcoming eyes resting upon a thin, lanky employee fumbling with the Shopping Cart in the back. After two sharp clicks on the search bar the young man cautiously looks up at his employer)

Amazon: "Paypal, you're in charge while I help Mr. Facebook here. Think you can handle that?"

(The student's eyes widen in fear as he looks up at the crowd of students waiting to be served. He drops the Cart and mouths a series of O's, his greasy strands of hair vibrating back and forth)

Paypal: "But sir I'm really more of the Cart guy. You know, numbers? I'm not really all that good at selli-"

Amazon: "You'll do fine. Just have a little more doubt with the Nigerian royalty. They aren't as common of customers as you seem to believe."

Paypal: (Blushing as he starts interacting with the next student) "Y-yessir"

(Amazon leads Facebook over to a mirror, its menu proudly displaying several high end layouts of all kinds. The salesman ushers Facebook on to a small platform, and examines the various colors and designs, clearly involved in his work. Twitter, off to the side, seems oddly preoccupied with something)

Twitter: "I am asking, Mr. Amazon?"

Amazon: (Running his hand over one of the menus, then shaking his head) "You want a layout as well? You know people who love these also bought-"

Twitter: "I am saying no, actually I was thinking of something else. Do you sell animals? Like pets?"

Amazon: "Pets? Why you've discovered my backdoor son. Last time I tried offering those things one spammed all over the interface. Took three weeks to fully filter Home and Garden. Never again, I'm afraid, though if you can't find what you're looking for, feel free to search again."

Facebook: (While holding a pristine amber layout in front of himself in the mirror) "A pet? What, you want a little prairie dog of your own, Tweet? Those things are drama queens."

Twitter: "I am muttering sarcastically har-de-har-har. I am thinking more like a bird."

Facebook: "Woah? A bird? I don't think that fits you at all, man"

Twitter: (Thinking briefly, then sighing)"I am agreeing. Yeah that probably wouldn't work."

Facebook: "Besides remember the last pet you had? That whole thing was a failure from the start"

Twitter: "I am reminding you we agreed to drop the Whale thing, okay?"


(Myspace stands in front of a door, wringing his hands nervously and fighting the urge to walk away. Next to him, a short girl leans against her grime ridden shovel, humming a loud and cheerful mining tune in the quiet overcast, entirely oblivious to the fearful condition of her companion)

Myspace: "Ur…uR 5uR3 7h15 15 7h3 pL4c3?"

Digg: "You know, spacklebrain, I swear I left my hole about an hour ago but there still seems'ta be an echo out here. Yes, for tha last time, this'll be the place."

Myspace: "4Nd 7h3r35 n0 07h3r w4Y t0 f1x mY…Pr0bl3m?"

Digg: (Opening a small pouch she has attached to her overalls, grumbling all the while) "Well, it be this or, what is this 'ere… New Way to Vanish Off the Grid: 30 Percent Less Projectile Vomiting! Up ta you, pantywaist. Oh I also got somethin' in here about being a man'n not whining for excuses out on some ripe, diggable campus lawn, but I know ya won't be interested in all that"

Myspace: (Glaring at her and improving his posture slightly) "H3y, Im n07 wh1n1nG. M4yB3 Im jU5t w31gH1nG mY 0p710n5"

Digg: "And maybe I'm the pr'tty little Forum queen" (Digg grabs a handful of dirt from her pocket and flings it in the air) "Sparkles n' fairies fer ev'ryone!"

Myspace: (Grinning slightly) "4lr1gH7, 4lr1gH7, 1m g01Ng."

Digg: "That's tha spirit, chickenliver." (Digg slaps Myspace on the rear with her shovel, propelling him forward.) "Meanwhile, I'm gonna get me a solid tunnel goin' here. Rain's comin' in, so I gotta move"

Myspace: "571LL d0n7 G37 WhY y0u W0n7 c0m3 1n 700. 7h15 15 y0uR 1nF0 4f73r 4LL."

Digg: (Looking up at him with a sly smile, her eyes glow brighter than usual in the shadow of the clouds) "Me? Pretty simple, palley boy. I'm not suicidal."


Amazon: "Now that is what I call a perfect match, son."

(Facebook stands proudly in the spotlight of the dressing server, his new royal blue layout hugging his form. Amazon's grin somehow seems even more legitimate as he surveys his work, and Twitter, who has spent much of the updating period talking to a cheery girl from his Phishing Protection class about trendy topics ["I know, Justin Beiber is sooo talented"], slowly applauds.)

Twitter: "I am guessing if you had to blow off the Browsers for anything, it might as well be that thing."

Facebook: "Yeah….man, I don't even know what to say, Mr. Amazon"

Amazon: "Hold up now. You're not giving up anything, Mr. Facebook. This is on the Homepage"

Facebook: "What?! Really?"

Amazon: "Son, if it wasn't for you and your friend Wikipedia I would still be stuck in competition with that sneaky b*stard Ebay. Don't you worry about anything, just go see Paypal at the front so he can log it. Im sure he'll be ecstatic to return to his number crunching."

(Facebook and his friend make their way back towards the search bar, with students throughout the store stopping in their tracks for a glance at the new layout. Paypal's pale face flushes with life as he scans the layout, numbers flashing on the Shopping Cart, before handing it back over to its new owner. Twitter smirks as they leave the store, the clouds in the sky contrasting Facebook's bright attitude.)

Twitter: "I am trying to get this straight. You get to see the Browsers, a free layout, and soon this art chick. So who'd you hack to get all this?"

Facebook: (Laughing) "Yeah, it seriously beats getting stalked by a 'magic gnome' doesn't it?"


(Myspace stands in a dim, misty hallway. The ceiling lights, dressed in a thick layer of dust, flicker on and off in the mist, and a small bit of scratching echoes off the shredded walls. Myspace slowly begins to move forward, his steps clunky and indecisive. His own noises frighten him, and the floor appears to be sticky with some unknown fluid.  After an odyssey that seemed to stretch hours, including a incident with some form of gelatinous substance draping the right wall, he makes out the end of the hall; a single door waits for him, a bizarre four clover design etched into its surface. He makes a move to grab the handle, but jumps as he sees a small cat sitting to the door's right. The creature only now acknowledges his presence, turning its bulbous eyes upon him)

Myspace: "Um, H3LL0. 1 n33d 70 g0 1n51d3"

(It's voice is raspy. Surreal)

"I can has?"

Myspace: "Y0u c4N….y0u c4n wH47?"

(The creature was unmoved. A wave of energy rocketed down its fur as it asked again)

"I can has?"

Myspace: "Y35…Y35 y0u C4n H45"

"I can has?"

Myspace: "G*d D*mM17! 1 D0n7 kN0w 7h3 P455w0Rd 0k4Y?"

"I can has?"

(Myspace attempts to remember some of the advice Digg had given him several hours prior, the cat's incessant purring taunting him all the while.)

Myspace: (Thinking) "0k4Y, Uh….wH47 d1d 5h3 54y….0h…5 Things Your Body WANTS You to Kill, You Just Don't Know It! N0, N0….Mullet Maintenance: It's Several Degrees Harder Than You Think!........M4yB3…..N0…..L37s G0 w17h pR0b4bLy N07…….Demonic Hellcats Get a Bad Rap- All They Need Is A-"

Myspace: "Ch33zbUrG3R! Y0U c4N h4s Ch33zbUrG3R!"

(The cat grins, and with an awful screech the door begins to open. Myspace inhales deeply, promptly coughing in the foul stench. The room before him is pitch black, with naught but the sounds of chains rattling and incomprehensible muttering to break the stillness. With his last ounce of courage Myspace steps forward, the door slamming shut behind him. Heavy breathing surrounds him in the gloom, and something grunts nearby. A high pitched laugh rings)

"/b/ has waited long for you, my child"
Part 4! That's three after 1! Elementary!

So you guys knew this one was coming (in fact someone actually called the entire Myspace B plot in a comment a while back, which I found hilarious) and good news, or bad in the case that you want me to once again drop off the face of the earth for several months, I'm actually planning on regularly posting stuff again! Cupcakes for everyone!

Sidenote: It's hot outside! FINALLY! Also the cupcakes have salmonella. I probably should have put that earlier.
Add a Comment:
Marbleton Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013
Sequel required. Now pls
SteampunkGirl198 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Student
Or Etsy!
SteampunkGirl198 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Student
This story is hilarious, I'm so there's going to be more! :D You could do something with DISQUS and Gravatar!
Malamute456 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
He's gonna run into isn't he? XD
iamblossom Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Student General Artist
This series is really funny! please continue!
LoadingRemexe Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is awesome! you got all of the characters perfectly. I have a question, will Youtube go into that "save the planet" mode it did a few years ago? And I think Google should wear a new tie every day.
moonlightblaze Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm guessing this will be too much to ask for but I like this story and I"m hoping you you continue this story.
kazza468 Featured By Owner May 20, 2013
hehe, twitter's character limit fits perfectly, precisely 140 characters, well done!
kazza468 Featured By Owner May 19, 2013
okay i'm guessing this fiction has gone bely-up
WillaWombat Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student General Artist
LittleSister102 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
DoctorTardisWho Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013

So hey, I was wonderin', could I maybe write a little somethin' somethin' based off of this? I'm debating between the characters of StumbleUpon and Tumblr... (I'll probably end up doing the latter xD)
Just lemme know~
And of course I'll credit you and stuff for the idea~
RandomEcoWarrior Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
This series is amazing! :D
minecraftbob Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
its a fun twist to what really happens in the internet.
lovelyjuliet98 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
DIS IS DAH BOMB when is the next part gonna be finished? i can't wait
LittlePyroGirl Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012
Love this so much. Want to see how you develop the character of /b/!
DoctorTardisWho Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
/b/ isn't a character, per-se... More of a tormented forum of sorts xD
iluvanime1173 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow so cool
highdeamake Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I meant I wanted to something like this too but it was going to with cartoons and web comics like Vibes and Sinfest
highdeamake Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I needed to something like this too but it was going to with cartoons and web comics like Vibes and Sinfest
HiddenSunny Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
looool.. I love your series. I think you should add in some websites from different nationalities: that would be AMAZING. <3
thejaycee1205 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
:iconimhappylaplz: This is amazing.
Maerd7733SCAIP Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is awesome so far! :meow: I'm actually kinda rooting for deviantART and FB to get together, haha :XD: You should add in, I think s/he'd be BFFs with DA :D
sunlightsmarrow Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
randomgirl1298 Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Put on urbandictionary....I think he'd be great friends with youtube and grudging friends with wikipedia.
Caffeinated-Bunny Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Mooore. :D
zololover Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
You should add Tumblr, MSN, and yahoo on this!!! It's really good! Oh and fanfiction and photobucket!
randomgirl1298 Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Fanfiction would probably try to get with deviantart, adultfanfiction or whatever would try for youtube, and whatever the original fiction sister to fanfiction is would try to get with twitter because opposites attract :)
katethephantomfox Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Am I the only one thinking that a thing might be going on between Myspace and Digg in the future?
dr-pepper-vampire Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2011
shit man, I just imagine all the chans and creepypastas all hanging out in this dark room.
MacabreIngenue Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011
Love this! So much Nerd! May I add love the mysterious "art" girl. Maybe you should add in a Literatury student named that is friends with her or maybe an arts and crafts person named Etsy. Would Failblog own the lolzcat (or maybe the other way around)? Also have a classclown Cracked.
cheeriosbdr529 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2011  Student General Artist
I LOVE IT! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH (!'m trying to do the opra angel thing but its not working.)
Geminiacal1 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2011
Can you add to your story?
jazman71092 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
hey! HEY! rule one of internet university! DON'T talk about /b/!
-websites yet to appear:
shandsy Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
"/b/ has waited long for you, my child"

I laughed so hard.

Just wondering, is tumblr going to come into play eventually? Like the whole rivalry-with-facebook thing. You know, a sort of hipster-ish character potterhead.

I dunno, just a suggestion.
kattastic99 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011
It sure would be interesting to encounter LiveJournal at some point, and Cracked showing up would just HAVE to be hillarious. Plus, you know, IMVU would be interesting. Oh, you know what else would be awesome? A new chapter this year.

No sarcasm intended, by the way, I don't mean to be snooty, but as I believe Wikipedia once said, "you can't say anything on the internet without something bad happening" or something like that.
Waylock15 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011  Student General Artist
I ssooo want to read more!
sweetysweets Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
You have to bring in DeviantART soon! We ALL know that FaceBook is after DeviantART! Just let them encounter once!! Plus, YouTube needs to be in the story more. Hehehe. This is really good! I LOVE THIS! Thanky you! :-)
thenameismud Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Miniclip should be a little kid that wanders on to campus.
Tingcat Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
... This needs Yahoo. Optimistic and informative.
7teen4ever Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i love this story completely. along with reading this i discovered wolfram alpha. i never heard of it before, and i completely love it. i think you hit spot on with Youtube, but there prolly needs to be the fact that along with youtubers mostly being trolls, alot of them are fangirls...
spanishskull Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Oh man, epic.
This would be an awesome play. <3
jessika0800 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2011
omg there HAS to be more :D
Internal-Flame13 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
More !!!must have more!!!!!! this is amazingly well written and very addicting!
Melhelix Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I can has part five? Is hopeful. :D
maxride88 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
more??? :D *insert hopeful face here* this is really funny! :D
GumdropGirl Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
Are you going to be continuing this? C:
DXRosie-ChanXD Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2010
XD lolcats!
akanesarumara Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2010  Student Writer
So, MySpace meets the Lolcats. OOOoookay xdxdxdxdxdxd And yeah, Fanfiction.Net would be cool^^
Add a Comment:

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Submitted on
April 9, 2010
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