TheJoyfulTurnip

Leave your mind at the door

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Why The Elves Win Every Year by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Why The Elves Win Every Year

The extravagant chamber of Team Magic sizzled with the sounds of potions and spellmaking. Witches and wizards of all shapes and sizes conjured sparks of magic in the air, magic flowing through the pages of every magic book and bottle. I would be more descriptive, but Disney copyrights are very specific in regards to this wonder and enchanting crap. Anyways, a man bearing a beard that could likely hide small children approached the podium. (Did I mention the podium? Cause it and the stage just totally appeared. Magic.) "Alright people," spoke the man, "As you all know the Fantasy Games are coming up soon, and with our recent loss of Dumbledor

Internet University The Fourth by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Internet University The Fourth

(Waiting in line at Pin Number, Internet University's premiere student shopping facility, good friends Facebook and Twitter discuss the former's peaked interest in attending an art Forum being held on campus next week. The store is alive with a healthy buzzing of student chatter, and only the distant whispers of chaos indicate another political debate has erupted on the grounds. Again.) Twitter: "I am telling you your layout is fine as is" Facebook: "Are you kidding? We're talking Forum types here Tweet! High class, none of this mindless bickering and inane chatter we put up with. It's not like they let just anyone join these thi

Internet University: Part III by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Internet University: Part III

(A warm day on campus, as per the unwritten laws of IU, fills the grounds with various mobs of students, chatting amongst themselves with not a sad emoticon in sight. Among them, weaving in and out of the crowded bandwidth, our hero Facebook seems to be surveying the area for something. His time alone is short lived, however, as he's soon spotted and charged by his hastily dressed younger brother. Stopping only briefly to show off his friends list to a group of attractive sunbathing Juniors ("Log off, creep!"), Myspace finds his way to Facebook, waving his arms around animatedly.) Myspace: "F4c3b00K, bR0!!1 0v3R h3R3!" Facebook: "Dangnabbit

Return to Internet University by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Return to Internet University

(Huge groups of students quickly fill the lecture hall in preparation for yet another long day of learning at Internet University. Seated in a row far in the back of the classroom, a barely-awake Twitter waits patiently for his good friend Facebook to hang up his Chatbox) Facebook: “No, I told you last night I haven’t seen it, remember? Look, man, if that thing’s that important to you you should go see Google about it. I have to go.” Twitter: “I am wondering who that was” Facebook: “Oh it was just Craig. He lost his stupid list again. I keep telling that guy to get more organized” Twitter: “Tsh

From: The Man, Subject: TRUTH by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

From: The Man, Subject: TRUTH

National Aeronautics and Space Administration Extraterrestrial Identification and Analysis Department Annual Findings Report [Year 2009] As per protocol, sir, here are all major discoveries of the past year. Far range sweeps came across a record number of organisms in the last two quarters. Mainly small patches of biomass and frozen skin cells, but some of the more advanced specimens are like nothing we’ve ever encountered. All subjects await inspection at your convenience down in Beta Labs. Subject 520 “Big Eyes” Characteristics: Bipedal and stout. Highly extendable neck and somewhat obscure appearance. Brown with bulging

Something 90s This Way Comes by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Something 90s This Way Comes

A stillness hung in the air as President Rhodes entered the room. Arthur Hammen, well respected general and good friend of Rhodes, quickly jolted from his seat as he heard the door creak. A sharp salute couldn’t hide the grim frown he wore on his face. “Arthur, I do hope this matter requires a 3 am trip to the office. Janice wasn’t too happy when you rang” “Sir, I can assure you this is of the utmost importance. I hope you excuse me if I just skip the formalities and dive straight in? You need to hear this” Rhodes glanced over his old friend, then shuffled sleepily to his desk. His form shrunk as he collapsed

Welcome to Internet University by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Welcome to Internet University

As sunlight begins creeping over the dorms of Internet University, massive waves of students begin their daily routines, with IMing and long cafeteria load times abound. We join a scene in the bedroom of notable info-maniac personality Twitter as his roommate Facebook attempts to get him out of bed” Facebook: "Twitter! Come on get up!" Twitter: "I'm getting up! Stop poking me!" Facebook: "Well hurry up! I could write four notes by the time you get ready" Twitter: "Okay, I'm up. Now I'm putting on my sock" Facebook: "I don't need the play by play, Tweet" Twitter: "Dang, I can't find a good shirt. I'm now searching my closet. I’

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Why The Elves Win Every Year by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Why The Elves Win Every Year

Internet University The Fourth by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Internet University The Fourth

Internet University: Part III by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Internet University: Part III

Return to Internet University by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Return to Internet University

From: The Man, Subject: TRUTH by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

From: The Man, Subject: TRUTH

Something 90s This Way Comes by TheJoyfulTurnip, literature

Literature

Something 90s This Way Comes

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About TheJoyfulTurnip

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Artist

United States
Deviant for 14 years
He / Him

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My Bio

Hmmm... where to start where to start. I know! First let me tell any of you out there with interest to know that I am not by any definition an artist. The last thing I drew in its entirety scarred my sister for life, which despite being funny at the time is now not so amusing as I reluctantly recieve monthly therapy bills.

With my art dreams abandoned and lacking any skills whatsoever in art's sworn enemy of mathematics, I was forced to turn to the often overlooked and even more often disregarded academic leftovers: writing. But my parents can't be right, can they? There's money and fame to be had in the written word, right? I mean Poe...died a delirious, lonely man...erm...but Twain! Twain was hugely popular and...was horribly depressed, to the point where he welcomed death in public....

Well. I'm screwed.

Current Residence: USA! USA!
Favourite genre of music: Alternative rock. Alternative paper and scissors optional.
Favourite photographer: Todd. He got a picture of Mew, for Pete's sake
Favourite style of art: love anime-ish style. Also insanely surreal stuff
Operating System: XP. Currently down to only 1 virus. HECK YEA!
MP3 player of choice: Well I have an iPod so lets go with that, mmk?
Shell of choice: Sea. Yay nice sounds!
Wallpaper of choice: Neon green so I can scare the neighbors
Skin of choice: my own. Preferrably still on my living body
Favourite cartoon character: Eric Cartman/ Sideshow Bob
Personal Quote: "the early worm dies"

Favourite Visual Artist

The guy who draws Where's Waldo. Sexy.

Favourite Movies

Saving Private Ryan

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

Paramore is my guilty pleasure

Favourite Writers

Poe/Rowling

Favourite Games

Bioshock. Can you say greatest game ever?

Favourite Gaming Platform

360 cause I roll that way

Tools of the Trade

uh....a keyboard?

Other Interests

Writing, eating, sleeping, harvesting ADAM

Posts

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TheJoyfulTurnip

Apr 8, 2010

Back from the Grave!

0 min read

[Pre-Journal Entry Note: There is currently a banner at the top of my screen that encourages me to "Make Babies!" through some sort of viru-I mean photo manipulation software. I find this possibly the least entertaining way to make babies imaginable. Unless...nope still the worst] HEY GUYS! I know, right? I'm totally not dead! Crazy! Smilie for dramatic effect! =O Average reader face! -_- So I could bore you all with a story of where I've been these past...holy crap, OCTOBER. That was the last time I posted something?? Crap, I've been slacking off, and you know what I'm gonna do about it? New stuff flying your way tommorrow! Hell yeah, Derr

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TheJoyfulTurnip

Sep 23, 2009

3 for the click of one! It's a steal!

0 min read

Greetings to you, greetings to thee. I come this day with news of three! Does this not fill you all with glee? I'll stop now. Firstly, I might as well get the news out that most of you are no doubt reading this solely to hear: I am indeed working on a follow-up to Internet University. Hopefully this intrigues you, maybe even excites you (ha, funny Derron). At any rate it can be expected this week, assuming my university work doesn't follow it's demented tendency of randomly piling itself up at my doorstep out of the blue. And while things sporadically appearing from various panes of color are usually totally awesome, in this situation should

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TheJoyfulTurnip

Sep 7, 2009

Updates!

0 min read

Guess what everyone! I think I finally figured out what I'm doing! (Note: do not hold me to this. When technology is involved i could easier crash an entire computer network than figure out particularly advanced emoticons) Anyways the point of this journal entry is to show off that I actually know what a journal entry is! My story thing-a-ma-jiggers will now nestle snugly in that literature section over there. It's their natural habitat so don't worry; they'll be happier there I promise. This journal will serve as an updater to future projects or a creative outlet if I'm distinctly bored one day. Otherwise I'd just like to thank everyone fo