From: The Man, Subject: TRUTH

National Aeronautics and Space Administration
Extraterrestrial Identification and Analysis Department
Annual Findings Report [Year 2009]

As per protocol, sir, here are all major discoveries of the past year. Far range sweeps came across a record number of organisms in the last two quarters. Mainly small patches of biomass and frozen skin cells, but some of the more advanced specimens are like nothing we’ve ever encountered. All subjects await inspection at your convenience down in Beta Labs.

Subject 520 “Big Eyes”

Characteristics: Bipedal and stout. Highly extendable neck and somewhat obscure appearance. Brown with bulging eyes.

Overview: Seemingly capable of human speech, subject makes use of basic mono-syllable words and hand gestures. Of note is its overly emphasized desire to “phone home.” [Perhaps indication of coming invasion?] Currently placed in catatonic lockdown after handler reported both innate telepathic ability as well as luminescent fingers. Recovered in lone starship filled with Reese’s Pieces.

Status: Restrained

Threat Level: moderate to high

Subject 743 “Little Willy”

Characteristics: Small spider like organism with lengthy tail, apparently possesses highly acidic blood. Leaping ability is not to be underestimated. Grey in appearance.

Overview: Creatures themselves have rather low intelligence, though seem eager to interact with humans. Should we find a way to breed them, the pet potential of specimens is exponential. Of the four eggs we gathered on a decrepit vessel of unknown make, only three hatched individuals are accounted for. We assume one of the eggs must have been a dud.

Sidenote: Carl Jenkins, the caretaker of 743, is currently out sick with some chest pain. As such, a replacement handler will have to accompany you to the holding cell.

Status: Contained

Threat Level: Low

Subject 805 “Einstein”

Characteristics: Rather tall, with pronounced “fin” ears hanging from its skull. Amphibian at first glance, though the tests from the gene labs have yet to return. Tongue measured at around 3 feet in length. Speaks in rapid bursts of gibberish of which only “Meesa Sorry” is audible [One staff member associated its speech with that of his native Jamaican, though this has for the most part been disregarded]. Often flails its arms about at random.

Overview: We came across Subject 805 on a routine expedition near Mars. We’re not quite sure as to why, but the specimen was tied to an asteroid, as if abandoned by some other ship. We followed basic protocol in the testing of the organism, though regular complaints and transfer requests from handlers began flowing in at a greater rate the longer the creature stayed on the premises. Administration assigned it to a new, more isolated cell, but that didn’t halt the flow of protest from employees. Eventually security discovered Subject 805 strung up on a tree outside the cafeteria. Official reports of the incident dub it a “miscommunication” on the part of the subject.

Status: Deceased

Threat Level: Low

Subject 772 "Tonka"

Characteristics: Specimen was originally bipedal and enormous. Spoke in a deep human voice and appeared to be encased in a metallic shell or exoskeleton.

Overview: Subject 772 is a very odd case, sir. When we brought it in from its crash site, it was vaguely humanoid and conscious of it's surroundings. Checking up on it a day after capture, however, we found nothing in its cell aside from an elaborately painted Dodge semi-truck. Examination of the vehicle indicated no organic tissue present at all; it is simply a truck. Search teams have been dispatched to locate our specimen. As for the truck, its for sale if you're interested.

Status: Unkown

Threat Level: Unkown

Subject 679 “Doombringer”

Characteristics: Man-like in appearance, but possesses abilities far beyond anything we are prepared for. Initial tests reveal not only the ability to fly without wings or source of propulsion of any kind, but a strength rivaling that of the gods of Greek lore. Fearing violence, handlers have attempted to bring the creature down through tasers and gas alike, but were met with extraordinary natural defenses, such as the ability to cool surrounding air to freezing temperatures through use of breath alone.

Overview: Sir, we have not yet discovered a way to subdue subject 679. Not only has it countered every one of our security measures with ease, some scientists have actually claimed it can conjure high frequency laser beams from its eyes. Presidential counsel is advised as soon as possible. If this being is a harbinger of what’s soon to come from this world of “Crypt-on,” then God help us all.

Status: At large

Threat Level: Extreme

This concludes this year’s summary, sir. As always, if you have any questions you’re free to contact me directly here in Beta, though this mess with Subject 679 is honestly much more than I can handle. There is hope though; An “Agent K” from an organization similar to ours claims he can take care if things get out of hand. He says he deals with things like this all the time.

-Dr. Alan Schaefer
NASA EIAD